buzzofhaters

2009-04-26T19:38:00.002+08:00

I felt guilty. I was supposed to meet you for breakfast today and i overslept. Then when i woke up, i rushed to take a shower and would have taken a cab ride to your place. I am so sorry, for all the canceled plans i made.

Somehow i felt restless at home today. I don't like to be followed around the house, and i mean my own house by a 4 year old kid. And she is on my back and clings on me for the moment she woke up from sleep. I feel very very rimas..

Other than that i just sleep, ate and watch tv. I did basically nothing today. Anyhow, i will be miting you on this Thursday. Will have dinner and spend some good time with you before u go to phillipines ok. And now i have to get ready and go back to camp... see ya and take care..

2009-03-14T10:20:00.002+08:00

Haix u... i don't know what happen between us. I was so looking forward to meet u today but then when i book out, we quarreled. I don't know how i have changed when i am in camp for the past four days. I was tortured. I wanted to cry in there but what keep me strong is the thought of saving money to pay for your school. I know that u think that i never think of you or would change when i joined the police, but seriously i am still the old me. I never changed. When i book out, even when you never told me, i know that you went to celebrate your friends birthday. I called you so many times and you did not answer. Only when i told you that Khai asked me to play soccer that you answered and were angry at me. I don't know why, but if u just say don't go, i won't. So bla bla bla all the messages and then u said i changed. So i stayed at home and think about what have i done to make u say dat. I still don't know why. Also i can't really message and call at anytime of the day. I can only call you between 7.30 to 9pm and then ard 9.30 to 10.30pm when i am in camp. The rest of the day i will be having training. I know u wouldn't understand but i just want you to know and also i want to know what have i changed... please tell me...

2008-11-06T10:01:00.002+08:00

Why is my life like this.. full of suffering..

This is really a testing time for me.. I just discovered i lost abt $150 overnight. Damn.. I haven't even make any payments yet.. Now i don't know how to get the money for the payments.. Looks like everything will be postponed again.. Change of plans again..

2008-10-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

I am worried for 26th November, what will happen on that day, and the days after it. I keep thinking of the worst possible that can happen.

Today until that day, i will be broke. All my upcoming pay have been planned. I can't do anything else for it, coz i will pay dearly for it. How? How? How? Oh god, how do i make all this thing go away.

Sleeping will set my mind away from all this but when i wake up, it will all come back. I want it away for good. I know i am the only one that can solve this. i can't rely on others.

I hope all this will end soon... For now, i am in no mood to talk to anyone or do anything.. i feel so stressed.

2008-10-20T01:01:00.002+08:00

I am actually awake this late at nite... Got lots on my mind and i'm having headache..

I don't know why i am being ignored.. i stayed home saturday.. after my last msg to you, you still never replied. After dat i went to repair my bike and bring it home and dats it, still no reply... i msg you at night and i am being ignored. Haix.. Btw, i got something to give you.. Meet you soon..

Now about my other problems, i need to take the NS IPPT but still i don't know when to take it. And my b'day coming soon which means dat i have to take it before 6th november.. other problems is the usual debts which i have not settled till now.

But the one problem that makes me sick and feared the most is my court date. Yes, my court date. its on the 26th november. For beating the erp and paying the fines late. They somehow tracked and got me riding without paying road tax and insurance. So i'll have to attend court on the date mentioned. I don't know my fate. I know its bad.

Ok, this month pay will be gone in one day, and the upcoming pay is to pay for my insurance and road tax, as well as my debts if there's enough.

I'll meet you to pass u the things for you and not to forget your sweater. Then i guess after dat i will be going to work and back as the money left is just enough for it.

For my b'day, i just want a miracle dats all.

(I hope on the 26th nov, all goes well.)

2008-10-16T23:49:00.002+08:00

I am nervous but its normal. The day before the interview i will feel excited and nervous.
I hope i can impress so i can leave this job.

But with this new job, i will have new things to think of. I hope everything stays good. I mean like now, i can go out with my dear, spend quality time with her and enjoy every moment of it..

Enuff of the interview... I want to talk about my dear... hehehe... i love her so much. I don't know how she feels for me... when i ask, she will always say "u rase".. hahahaha... keeps me wondering... Of course lah i will always think of positive... Who sia willl tink of negativity.. but still i love her..

Oh ya our outing was great.. went to marina, and suntec.. Went there like twice this month... hehe.. one during the 1st week of raya.. and once recently.. Ade je nak disturb me.. ah good lah, where can u find gal that kutuk herself. Even i never kutuk u seh... other ppl can lah i kutuk... Hehehehe.. but still we had fun.. oh ya, next time i want to try the tuna and egg crepes.. like nice.. huhu... And and my dear ask me eat lots in between meals, so i put on muscles... get it, muscles not fats... hehehehehe...

Ok2, now in my head got this song, womanizer... hahahhaa.. dear keep repeating it, her fren ayie freaking love it... hahahaha... ok lah... toodles.. i want to msg dear somemore.. take care...

2008-10-16T22:12:00.002+08:00

My Status..
Future: Uncertain (looks dark)
Current: Struggling
Financial: Very tight
Mood: Indifferent
Career: Unstable
Social interaction: Hardly any
Relationship: Only one love

Its a struggle to wake up every morning and go through the days obstacle. My life have not been on the bright side. I am searching for avenues to change how i live and to change my luck but just as i started trying, i failed. I don't give up, i still keep on trying but without support, i am meant to fail. I got no one to fall back on. Family is a word that is hardly heard in this house. It can't be blame as everyone here has their problem and at the moment, it have always been every soul for them self... Now i have hit a point where i can't continue to write.. so till next time..

2008-09-19T19:34:00.001+08:00

Shit la......

I am damn broke... Can't even go to work coz of it.... I check my bank account a few times today and i still haven't get my pay or see that the pay cheque had been banked in... Damn... Which means no money for the weekend to monday.. But if they banked in on Monday, the fastest to get it is on tuesday.... So how to work??? hmmmm.. Good Luck to me.. Should i blame the agency this time or blame me for sending in the timesheet late. I only managed to send the timesheet on tuesday.. Haix... See how lah... Damn bored and in no mood.

Ah yes, i am being ignored again... Haix...

2008-08-14T23:56:00.002+08:00

Rare Post....

Well, I just came back from work... I am wasted... Shagged is to simple to described how i feel rite now... Dear and me was pasting flyers the whole evening... I somehow feel that she should not suffer the burden.. Its me that needed it.. Well she helped me find the job and well she teman me today.. so we work in pairs... I know she's superly tired and her foot and body are all aching.. Sorry dear for making u go through all this.. If u can't take it then tell me ok... We or I can find another job ok... I hope she won't suffer anymore...

2008-07-04T10:37:00.003+08:00

I made the biggest mistake... Mom cried talking to me.. as if its all her fault that i am like this when in fact, it is mine...

I am so so so like crying now..
My pay coming in this evening...
All i know is that, i will be left with only 16 bucks for 2 weeks...
I can survive, i hope i will.......

There's lots in my brain... i need to take time off and think things now..
So i'm off.. Wish me well...

2008-06-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm..... i think u might be angry with me..

So i don't think u would believe me if i told u this...

I lied about taking bus just now. I am damn broke... 90 cents is all i have... I walked all the way home from tanjong pagar.. I swear i was alone and i walked all the way. I swear upon the Quran that it is all true..

I don't know if u notice that if i am broke i will be damn broke to the core... so this is the time that i am broke and have no money left.

Also my prepaid went zero during our conversation, u might think that i will use it to call other ppl, but in fact it is the courts, interviewer from NIE and my engineer that has been calling me. Also my mom keep calling for every little things. That is wat made my prepaid die so fast.

So i hope u know now... But i doubt you'll believe it.. Only Allah knows...

P.S: I might look normal, calm and sometimes happy and cheerful on the outside but on the inside is a different story. No one have taken time to know me on the inside.

2008-06-23T21:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a week...

This feeling... Everyday i had, i wanted to msg u of my whereabouts but i am not sure if i should. I don't want to disturb you when you are on vacation. Oh some stuff happen to me at home.. Its pretty scary. Its been quite sometime since it last happen to me.

Ok first of all, i want to say that i miss you.. I have been a good boy staying at home all the time. Except for last friday which i went to town with my friend Naz, wanted to ask Khai to join but he is uncontactable. Damn i want my soccer boots back from him.

Second, i want to tell you that i have transferred $300 to your account. So please check and pay for dat remodule.

3rdly, My brother have been planning dat my parents, fadilah and me to move in with them at Bishan. The discussion is in progress, but its not confirm coz my parents being old is very hard to please.

4th, Hmm.. This is the scary part, ok, if don't know if u know about fadilah being disturb but i was disturb yesterday.. Yes i was being disturb.. Ok.. At 11pm, while watching Onemanga.com I love japanese comics, i suddenly heard a loud thing fall in the kitchen which was very odd as my parents were asleep and fadilah was still at work. Usually when this thing happen i won't notice but this time i took notice coz i got this feeling that IT wanted me to check the kitchen. But i just ignored it.. So i went to sleep immediately.. then in the middle of my sleep, i felt my pillow being thrown from the bed.. then i woke up to collect it.. the second time, my breath was blocked.. i struggle to wake up when i manage to open my eye abit, i saw a shadow of a lady. but then i straight away went to my sister's bedroom and sleep. i wasn't terrified but was angry dat my sleep is being disturb.. Haiya.. today i will sleep in my room again. hope it won't disturb me.

PS: i am missing you. Should i message you... i don't want to disturb your holiday.

2008-05-28T01:21:00.002+08:00

Haix.. i am being ignored... i hope u don't ignore me like this.. i am sorry abt saturday..
I will skip the wedding this weekend to go out with you ok....

PS: if u have a bf now then tell me ok.. i just don't want to be in the dark abt this..

2008-05-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

I don't know if u've been reading my blog..

Anyway, i had fun with you yesterday. That long talks and the long walk beside you to esplanade. I love it. I don't mind sending you home everyday, even if i have no cab fares and i miss the last train home. I don't mind taking the long bus ride home as long as i know you are safe and with me.

Eventhough i tell you lots of time that i love you, i wish i can show u the action as well.. i know i made lots of mistake, i don't mind you hate my past coz i'm not proud of it either.. i am excited and happy when i am with you... i want to show it to you... even if it is not fancy, i hope it'll give us memories to remember each other...

So i am msging you this evening.. i felt happy and i smiled.. i don't understand why... i guess i feel relief that we are not fighting and that i can tell you everything, about me and about my past... i hope that we are not fighting anymore and be together again..

I am different from the other guys, but i am not good either... i want to be the good guy and the one that you can accept. I hope even we can be together coz you are my everything.. I am happy when i'm with you.

Last, i will say this to you, I LOVE YOU - Aku Cinta Padamu... I mean it...

2008-04-25T22:52:00.002+08:00

My head showing pictures of you...

I keep thinking of you... where you are, who you're with and what you're doing. All the time i kept thinking of these. I can't help but to ask you those questions and i know how irritating those questions are to you..

I am paranoid and possessive because i love you.. My heart is still beating to your name and words and feelings. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be yours. I want to love you..

I am sorry for the time i treated you badly... and if since the 2yrs and 4 months, should i treat you bad, i seek for forgiveness. I really want to be together with you. I will wait for you and my love for you will never ever end.

As for this date, 26-12-2005, I will never forget this date, Because that is the date that give me the excitement, when i am truly happy for the 1st time in my life. I swear i could jump in joy when you accepted. This is the day that you accept me as your bf.. Thanks..

2008-04-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

I had a rush of feelings. It feels like old times when we're together. Spending time with you and never care for anything else. When with you, i feel like in another world, a world we created. No problems, no tomorrow and the day, the night and the weather all is perfect.

I feel like calling you or messaging you rite now to tell you of how much i love you and that you mean more than anything. I feel it in my heart the beats and my tears collecting in my eyes. I just can't imagine without you.

We've been through rough times and good times when we're together. The tears that i shed for you and the tears you shed for me, the fights we had and the fun and laughter we had, i really cherish all of them.

I Love You dearly, I want to share the rest of my life with you dear.

I been wanting to hear you say that you love me and call me sayang....

2008-04-05T01:12:00.002+08:00

Is it wrong if i can't control my feeling.. Tear flows down my cheeks but i am not crying, its just the feeling in me that made it flow.. Am i too weak.. I believe i am being too selfish for wanting to keep you close to me and not share it with anyone.. But ..... haix.. i am just paranoid.. Why am i being this way? Should i know about it or should i just act as if nothing happen.. i don't know.. don't answer me please.. it'll hurt

2008-03-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

988 - COE for 10 years
36 - Road Tax
351 - Reposession
200++ - For repairs
80 - Hospital Bills
189 - Courts
400 - HP bills...
Total - 2244

494 - COE for 5 years
36 - Road Tax
351 - Reposession
200++ - For repairs
80 - Hospital Bills
189 - Courts
400 - HP bills...
Total - 1750

File for bankruptcy or Should i pay...

It'll be slow process of repayment and i'll starve for hmmmm, months...

2008-03-25T01:48:00.002+08:00

I feel, i mean i wish i could wake up in the morning right next to you,
To see your face, smile, cry, and worry. I want to be there for you,
sharing your feeling, thinking of what you are thinking.

I want to share the sweetest and bitterness of growing old together.
Hold your hand tight and give you a hug whispering in your ear that everything will be alright even when you push me away time. I want to protect you from the world biggest obstacles and if i want to win every one of them.

I wish, i hoped and i prayed...

Seri ................. there's so many things that i want to share with you and so many things i want us to do together. I'll wait for you. But now, i am the poorest.. give me a million years and i will still be poor, because i don't have you in my life.

2008-03-24T02:45:00.002+08:00

The bad side of being poor... Nothing ever works out and no one truly understands u or what you're thinking.

I swear, I swear to god i don't want to say what i say tonight, but it just came out of my lips like i am being possessed. I cried deep inside, i cried not for me but for you. I think i tried too hard that i just don't know that is enough.

All i wanted was for you to be happy. I could not say no to you anymore for the past days and weeks as for i know, that it'll make you ignore me and keep quiet from me. I wanted us to be happy. I see lots of couple on the streets and town; joking, laughing and have their sweet moments. I really don't understand why we can't be like them. What is so different about them and us, about you and me. I swear i am not that bad of a guy. But some side of me which i wanted to portray to you but i can't.

We planned for Tuesday, but it didn't come. I was so excited about it but i have nothing to show and nothing to spend. I tried telling you to stop but i can't it just won't come out of my mouth. I know i had limitation, but i just can't break free of that. I really really want to spend the day with you and i think it just have to wait but i really don't know when.

So now i will be saving for you, i don't mind starving because i am used to it. I'll get that 300 for you, whether you re-module or not, this money i am saving is for you.
For the tops and red crumpler bag, i know you'll be getting it tomorrow.

This blog is not a sorry blog that i am writing. Because sorry is just a word of console and i know for what i have said and done is unforgivable.

I am poor, i prayed to god why i am this way. Maybe the answer is not clear, its lurching out there somewhere for me to find a true meaning to life. Maybe its you. There is choices in life and it have always been you on top.

PS: The money i gave you is not dirty money. I worked hard for it and you know its the last dollars i had left with me. So use it. Its for you.

2008-03-12T23:28:00.002+08:00

Haix.. Nowadays i don't feel that i am myself.. I am so bored but i had nothing to do. I feel like going out, but no bucks and frens to go out with. I am so out of topic to talk about... Hmmm.. I'm sorry if i behave like an ass. I really am not who i am rite now...

I want to walk along esplanade to clarke quay or just a stroll along the beach with you. Maybe i can think better that way. I need to clear my mind out. Hmmm, will you be the one to accompany me on these lonely walks. I hope so..

So about the movie, i really wanted to watch with you. Hopefully this week or if not then next week. I really want to watch it with you.. Hope u have not see the movie yet.

2008-03-11T18:53:00.002+08:00

Haix.... I'm such a bore... Maybe it can be change with money, but that is what i have not..

And why is everyone buzzing about marriage... I have told them over and over, i won't be getting married anytime sooner or later... I'm still chasing the gal that i love and waiting for her.. Well, even if she marries another guy, i still won't find another, because of my age and because i won't want to find another gal to replace her..

They say we'll see how long it'll last.. but i say bullshit, coz its my life and i will decide.. and i am very stubborn.. haha...

Ok back to the money topic... hmmm.. lets see how much i am in debts..

200 - traffic police fine
80 - TTSH bills, (mine coz i had already paid hers)
164 - Bike installments.
189 - Courts, (i still remembered the time we went to buy the mp3)
364 - HP bills, (Not to sure if this is the correct figure)

So a total of $997. Haix, and i am only 23 years old to be dealing with this. Actually theres more to the total figure, but i juz can't say it.

Hey can i not get married and buy a HDB or juz anyhouse. I don't want to be living in the old folks home when i get old. Hmmm... Haix..

Lets hope fate sympathise with me and marries me with her and that i can support with all her needs.

Anyway, i cried today and the past few days.. i Just feel shitty about my situation and just thinking of us and how the future will be for me. Hmm, about that day when i ask you to read my blog for explanation, well, lets me just keep it to myself. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'll try to change but it will take me a very long time to change to be an exciting guy that makes your heart go beating very fast.

PS: I will wait for you till the end of days, till we meet in heaven. I will never stop loving you, even when at times it seems that you don't care and gave up. You will, always be in my mind, heart and soul every seconds of the every day.

2008-03-11T11:18:00.002+08:00

Bebe,

Sorry for today... i know am supposed to spend the day with you at the beach. i am very excited about it, a supposedly great day became shit for me.. I am sorry for getting u all excited and end up giving false hope.. I really can't pull this one out. I am broke and yeah, no one's able to help me.. Hope its not to late so as to waste your day, u take care ok and do enjoy your day.. If anything just msg me or call me.

Shahril

2008-03-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.. This and thats.. Things that happen which i don't understand why..

Been so tired and sleepy.. Had a nice dinner the other day at seol garden with dear..
I wish for a break... from work from everything... Been away from u for so long.. I want to spend a long day with you like we use to.. Meet in the morning and back home late at night..

I've been thinking about the past and the memory of us is strong.. You've been busy and i'm busy too... sometimes i feel like quitting and juz spend everyday with you..

I had a memory i was thinking and miss so much.. its the time when i had my bike and i skip work. meet you in the morning... We went to town and then off to east coast.. went for dinner at east coast and then just sit and stare at the sea, stars and chat all the way... resting your back to mine and just talk... piggy back and start fire, well at least tried to start a fire.. Then send you back late at nite and on my way home, it rains but i reach home safely... How i want to repeat all this with you again..

Well, i must admit that i miss you lots these days..

Thanks dear for all this memories we've had.. i cherish and love them..

2008-02-16T22:15:00.003+08:00

Bored.. Nothing to surf on the net. Watch my usual anime then thats it...

Have not log in to MSN... just don't feel like it..

So Valentine's day was great.. I spend time with the girl i love.. and this time its great coz no one or any sort disturb us.. hehe.. oh my voice sux.. hahaha.. i got this very very deep voice and i can't hit high notes.. hahaha

So went to central, i want to buy u flowers but u don't want it.. bought u ice cream instead.. so walk and sit and off home...

There's this moment on that day but i don't remember when, where i look at you and was speechless.. Hmm.. i just adore you and your face was bright and clean.. just like your name.. it has the seri..

Hmmmm.. so please don't club or drink please.. coz i don't want you to lose your seri.. and lets us do good deeds.. like wanting to help the makcik carry her bags.. i would have done it really...

Anyway, i've been tired these few days by tired i mean sleepy.. i slept pretty darn early and woke up late.. Hmmm..

Today went to the hospital and dats about it.. went home message you.. then i fell to sleep again.. i just don't know why i'm sleepy.. haha... Ok2.. I will get you chocolates for your belated valentines day ok.. I will put it in, Hmmm, box or wat eh.. I'm going to buy like lots... oh.. yah there's this website that can put the picture of us or you on the box... maybe i'll do dat.. hehe...

Take care guys.. I love you bebe... I will always love you..
Thanks for everything..
I want to be yours and will always want to be with you.
I will wait till forever.. Trust me coz i'm stubborn, when i say that my heart is for you, it really is..

2008-02-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

Haix and double Haix....

Went to work late just now... Then everything went ok.. Till abt time to go home.. Was called in for a meeting with my manager. Just me and him.. So i know what it's all about. So he say that my punctuality was very poor and that he has been helping me all the while to stay on the job. Actually the top management and HR has already decided to kick me out. so hmmm... He offered me a solution to take a 1 month break to settle my things or to continue coming to work and be punctual. Well i know if i took the 1 month break.. it means i'll be kicked out.. So i'll take the 2nd option and at the same time look for another job. Well.... haix.. i don't know.. my days are numbered i guessed.. 1 more mistake and thats it for me...

2008-02-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

Haix...

So sorry i made you cry... Please blame it all on me ok... i know its my fault...
I tink u still don't understand me... ok this might hurt but i'd better write it down lah.. i hate it when u call or sms ur fren when we go out... always.. also when u look at the guy and comment on him like i don't exist... Ok when u talk abt shazzy and hyrey to me, haix... god knows how sad and mad i am... hmmmm.. anyway, don't worry coz i realise dat i can't invade ur privacy and i am no one to tell u wat to do... so i'm sorry..

I know that if u were to take as ur bf... hyrey is on top of the list, 2nd is shazzy (coz u always have a thing for him)... as for me.. i don't think i'm on ur list at all... or lets just say i'm nowhere to be found.. i know u'd rather talk to shazzy on the phone instead of me... hmmm.. i guess i'm just boring...

It kills me to type all this down.. but i tink its better coz i can't talk to u abt all these things coz i don't want to hurt u...

So i'll change for u... i don't look at gals anymore and ignore my fren sms... hmm, mayb coz of my prepaid always low... but i really juz want to focus on u when we go out... hmmm..

Its ok.. i'll still wait for u no matter wat...

so Monday will be taking 1/2 day.. want to cancel the car rental and pay the 1/2 price cancellation fee... so where am i to get the money... haix...

2008-01-26T11:57:00.000+08:00

I guess everyone have a special someone in mind that they just can't forget or get over.. For me its you, but i choose not forget you or get over you....

Here's a song for all love in the world:

Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together, now!)
All you need is love. (everybody!)
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need).

Yee-ha!
Oh yeah!
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.

2008-01-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

Ok guys i'm sick... damn... sorry if i never msg u ok.. i just wake up and decided to blog about this... now i'm going back to my sleep.. btw, i'm down with flu.. been coughing and sneezing from just now.. and i just hate blocked nose..

Dear... My second present coming soon.. ok lah.. i'll give u all this time ok.. Tak nak kasi u marah..

Take care..

2008-01-06T18:05:00.000+08:00

Help me!!! I'm very stressed out.. I don't know what my feeling is.. There's hurt, anger, sadness and pain all mixed into one... My mom saw it in me, my frens saw it too.. All of them asked me about it, but i just can't share it with them.. I am breaking down... I am having a very very bad depression..

Now, where's my cigs... I need to talk to myself and smoke and keep to myself...

I hope i can be where i want to be in a few months time...

Help me say prayers and hopefully yours and together with mine will be sympathized and granted...

Let's not talk about love yet coz i only love for 1 girl and i have lost it.. i'll wait for her though and hopefully we'll be together again...

Now is the time i need to pick myself up and get a hold of myself... Till i am ready, i will show you the love you always wanted from me... i hope you will understand..

2008-01-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

Dear,

I'm sorry for just now.. i'm not mad at you.. i'm mad at myself and the agent... I hope u enjoyed the lunch at the carousel.. Everything after that, i'm sorry its my mistake and sorry to waste your time and energy... I admit that i'm hopeless. Pls do call and msg me..

Yours truly,
Shahril

2008-01-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

I just don't want to let it go..

I chatted with my camp friends a few weeks back... He's having problem with his gf..

So he said that he don't like her attitude.. So i advice him to talk things out and if that you love her and choose to be with her then you must accept it..

So he ask about my problems, and i kinda told him abit and just wouldn't continue.. So he told me that he don't want me to look hurt.. He also quoted that "If you love her then all you can do is let her go". So i dismissed the thoughts about what my fren say..

So few weeks on..
My frens is getting on with his relationship and he says its getting better... So i guessed he took my advise.

and

today i watch this VCD Good Luck Chuck.. and the qoute says "Have you wanted someone that you'll do anything to get her" and then "all you can do is let her go"... eventually the guy go and chase the girl and ask her to be his... awww..

The point is how could someone even think of letting go when you love someone and want to share your life with them.. its crazy..

So to you.. i'll do anything and everything you wanted to be with you.. and i won't want to let you go.. Coz i love you very much and i want to share my life with you..

2008-01-03T20:15:00.000+08:00

Ur birthday coming soon. I just hope i will get what you want before that date. I really miss you and love you.. I hope you will accept me... i wanted to be your bf..
Actually i really am disturbed when you talk about all those guys.. but i will try to improve myself... and become the guy that you wanted.. please let me be your bf again..

My heart is for you..
My love for you is strong..
My heart feels sad and is giving up the day you left..
Please return to me..

2007-12-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

So new year is just around the corner.. People going out to party.. Lots of people talking about the past and the future. People talking about their wants and needs.. Their so called new year resolutions..

So here's mine:

I want to....
be your bf again, be your husband.
Always be there when you need me.
Always be by your side.
Be someone you could hold and called yours.
Gain your trust.
Get your ipod.
Get the DSLR camera you wanted.
Get everything you need.
Get a good job.
Change my luck.
Make more bucks.
Be the guy you want me to be.
Get a degree.

That is all i wanted. I guessed what i want is little compared to what i want for you. But you are my everything, and i will never take you for granted or neglect you. This is my promise, my new year resolution.

I love you more than anything in this world. All the things i bought you means nothing compared to the love i have for you.

2007-12-29T17:21:00.000+08:00

Stay home saturday...

How i miss going out with you on this day..

So i rot at home.. chatting with hmmm... ur sister.. she alots of things to say..
Then she ask me something which i don't know... wat lah she.... hehee

Anyway... i sleep till 12 noon, then wake up and sleep again till 3.30pm... how boring can life be..

i miss u... i'll be waiting for you dear...

Please tell me u love me one more time..
Please accept me back...

Why do i???
Why do I smile at the sound of your voice?
Why do I let you touch me in places never touched?

Why do I like to have you around so much?
Why do I melt at the tenderness of your kiss?
Why do I feel like I could live forever like this?

Why do I put my heart in your hands?
Why do I answer to your every demand?
Why do I let you know with out you I'm not quite as strong?

Why do I turn my head from what's plain reality?
Why do I try to hide from what is true?
Why do I still have these feelings for you?

2007-12-28T19:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm.. anyone free to follow me... i want to survey sumting at town or tampines.. hmm... its a suprise for S..I hehehehe.. Hmm... ok2.. going tomorrow... hope u haven't bought the things yet.. ok.. dear.. anything msg me or call me ok..

2007-12-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

So bored this christmas... New Year is just around the corner... Hmmm, anyone want to invite me to parties.. Please do so... or shd i just celebrate it with Naz again and go to Town and just hang ard till the early morning.. Or shd i juz stay at home..
Khai wat's the masterplan?? shd i just follow u and like last time went to raffles and then to club.. hmmm.. but the thing is i don't club anymore...

Ok, not forgetting the one i love... i do love you... New year's eve nak ton with me... I mean go town then to esplanade and then just go to the beach and have a chat..

Yesterday we chat, then u send me a msg, u made me smile.. i was hoping..
It was sweet.. we are a couple.. i hope it is true...

I do miss you... I'll wait for you no matter wat.. I hope you could accept me... I do believe in miracles.. And i know christmas is about believing... haha.. but don't worry, i am a muslim and believe in one god, Allah (S.A.W)..

2007-12-23T23:58:00.001+08:00

Haix... These days been going out.. with Dino... juz the two of us... how life is different without u... i miss all the msg and calls..

Juz wondering if u are still thinking of me..

I hope, juz hope for a miracle... hoping one day we will be together again..

I miss you

2007-12-22T09:41:00.000+08:00

Haix.. All over.. i don't believe in love anymore.. So i'll just wait and hope for you..

I really won't forget you.. i'm sorry...

i love you... i lied to be with you.. so u won't be mad.. i regretted it.. i hurt you...

I'm sorry... Well good luck in your new relationship.... i hope someday, one day we will be together...

So now as a fren will u still contact with me or will u still go out with me.. i doubt so.. but we will see... i told u it'll be different when we are frens and when we are together..

We are frens now... i juz hope i will still get to talk to you and go out with you

2007-12-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm so sorry i lied to u and my mom.. Pls don't ignore me.. pls answer my messages and calls....

So i lied juz to get to go out with you.. I know that if i told my mom i'm going to meet u at Bukit batok, she'll won't let me bring my adik sedare along.. I also know that if i could not bring her, then you would not have meet me and watch the movie with me... so I lied.. Then i met you.. i lied to you... i'm so sorry for dat.. i don't want you to be angry at that time... i don't want my adik sedare to see u get angry.. and i know if u're angry then u would juz leave us.. So i'm sorry..

Pls don't ignore me... i beg for your forgiveness.. at least answer my calls or reply my messages.. pls.. i know u won't accept me.. but as a fren... pls reply my message and answer my call... and do forgive me... i hope on the 26th you would go out with me.. please..

2007-12-18T21:09:00.000+08:00

I feel so down today... Bored with work.. feels like quitting.. Lots of bill to pay.. would get my pay tomorrow but it doesn't look good... i am down... i need u dear....

The train ride home was worse, almost cried.... i hope no one was looking at me...
Decided to walk back home, juz to clear my thoughts and hope for a better day...

Reach home... i feel lonely... looked at your pictures and mine... at our pictures.. i miss you dear... i finally cried again... I hope today when i sleep, i will dream of you... sweetdreams of us and dream of the future and in dat dream i want us to be together..

I love you dear.. i hope dat we could be together again..

As for now, i miss you..

I really in need of some one to confide...

2007-12-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

Haix... bored.. took half day... meet dear, juz for awhile, juz for a while

2007-12-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'm worried... My heart feel different.... I'm worried abt ur safety abt everything.. guess i won't be sleeping today... msg or call me when u got home ok.. Hmmm..

Do you still love me?
Do you care for me?
Y do you think dat i'm dat sort dat go on dates with other gals or chat with other gals or even look at other gals?

Hmmmm... all the question i wanted to ask?

Thinking of it all makes me cry.. i'll wait for you ok... dear... pls call or msg me when u're home ok.. Take really good care of yourself..

2007-12-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning... Mood in a low... i juz want to be by ur side...

I failed.. i failed in life.. i failed to be urs... i wish my life is short.. i juz want to love you and be your bf.. but i tink it ...... happen... i feel dat i won't ......

If we happen to break up... i guess its fate dat i shdn't be loved... i don't believe in love till i met u.. if we break up... my love will die with me... i won't get married and i won't love again....

i still hope dat we will be together as bf and gf...

2007-12-12T23:35:00.001+08:00

its so nice to hear your voice again... i love it.. excited when u msg and when i hear your voice... chat with u and all the craps dat i type and say... hehehehe...

I Miss you... I Love you...

Arrggghh... My guitar skill crap and my finger still hurts after the accident.. can't stretch it to read some chords.. ahhaha.. but still i'm playing.. hehee.. juz tune it differently... cool...

Ah dear... meet you soon k.. i love you..

2007-12-12T16:08:00.000+08:00

I miss u dear... i miss your voice.. ur touch... ur messages.. it been, err wait i lost count, ah 6 days and those 6 days i had been dreaming of you... i love you... i message ur phone, but yesterday, ur sister replied.. hmmm... i miss you dear... i want to be ur boyfriend...

This i dedicate to you sayang..

When I see your smile
tears run down my face
I can't replace
and now that I'm strong
I have figured out
how this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
and I know I'll find deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to Heaven

It's ok..(x3)

Seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling
all for us
the days grow longer
and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
even if saving you sends me to Heaven
cause you're my...you're my...my...
my true love
my whole heart
please don't throw that away
cause I'm here for you
please don't walk away!
please tell me you'll stay!

Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be ok
though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven (x2)

2007-12-11T20:35:00.000+08:00

So its either tomorrow or thursday or friday, and my dear will be back... How i miss her... sorry for all the messages.. i know u're in bali but i juz want u to know where i am... and i juz miss messaging u... i love u very much... and yesterday i had another dream, hehe.. i dreamt that i received ur ipod.. and also i let no one touch it except u.. ahahaha.. I really hope to be ur gf again dear.. love you..

2007-12-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

hmmmm.. i look at our picture.. the collage that i made, with the frame that u bought me... i cried.. the memories of u and me... i wish that it will last, the memories, the relationship.. i don't want it to end.. i love you deeply...

2007-12-10T20:01:00.000+08:00

Had a dream again.. sweetdreams.. I hope it'll come true.. For 4 days in succession i dream of you dear.. i really love you and miss u... The dream last nite was sweet, it all has been... Asking myself stupid questions rite now... can't imagine i'd ask this silly questions.. haha...

dear i miss u... I really want to be ur bf again.. I love you..

2007-12-09T20:27:00.000+08:00

I miss her... hmmm, it was around this time 2 years ago that i began chatting with her.. Known her from friendster.. i went into msn almost every time and everyday to chat with her. i will wait till i see her sign in.. Even when we chatted a bit it makes me happy... Now its happening again.. i sign in to msn juz to wait for her to be online and chat with her... but today, today she's in bali.. today is a different situation.. i've been with her and i don't want to lose her... she's everything to me.. i love her...

2007-12-08T14:10:00.000+08:00

I miss you dear.. for 2 days now i dream of u... the 1st one seems so real.. i dream i woke up frm sleep in the middle of the night to msg you... a message and waited and waited for u to reply...

the 2nd dream was abt us going out together and having fun like we used to... kissing and hugging.. dear i miss u... do take care in bali ok.. hope u are thinking of me dear

2007-12-06T08:28:00.000+08:00

Sleepless nite.. This feeling, this unrest.. this heart.. I once tot i wouldn't get married or have a gf.. till i met u.. U are my everything.. I love u wholeheartedly..
I get excited whenever u msg or call... i get excited with every meeting with u.. even if u want to meet me at the wee hrs in the morning, i will go and meet u...

I waited for ur msg or reply everyday..
I get the feeling that he is going to ask u soon..
I get the feeling that u are going to accept him..
Y do i get hurt when we fight or when this happen...
Y don't i get hurt when i was rejected by others..
Still i hope that after the time off.. we would be bf and gf..
I hope for a miracle.. Dear, are u even excited once during this relationship..
coz i am... so i wish that we could be together again... i love you.. Pls message or call me dear, pls don't ignore me

2007-12-03T19:56:00.000+08:00

bored today.. being ignored.. dear never reply to my msg.. hmmm..
anyway went home early today... went off at 4.30pm.. tired and hmmm.... juz the feeling ok.. my hearts crying.. i cried at home...

Ok2... i miss my dear... and i love her.. i want her to be my gf again... well i think my chances are thin but i still hope and wait... The time off, well i hope it'll end and i could be ur bf again..

well my mom is indecisive, she told me about my bro getting married and i had to shop for clothes.. then she say dat i shd contribute money.. so which is which..
i'm taking dat she agrees that i never give money and spend money on clothes and dear ok mom..

So anyone for shopping.... jump on my bus.. ahaha... well, 1st priority will always be my dear.. then frens... other then frens.. hmm.. u can forget abt it ok... dear shop with me lah... dear.. reply my msg... don't ignore me please.. i love u.. pls be my gf...

2007-12-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Home day on sunday.. well almost for saturday too if not for my dear want to terserempak with me... went to town with dino.. shit he walk damn slow and very undecisive abt choosing specs.. ok2 i would tooo if to look good but hey all the oakley specs look good.... hahaha.. then dear went to meet me.. actually i want to meet her.. so we terserempak setengah jalan.. hehe.. it was planned.. hehe..

Ok so dino got his specs and me and dear went off... i send her home of course.. on our way dear disturb su.. i wasn't interested instead hey dear, dat guy look cool with tatoo on his neck.. hahaa.. ok2.. gayish of me... then took train to bukit gombak..

in the train we talk and have fun and dear excited abt bathing herself... hahah.. then i laugh and say without the water... heck me... stupid comments and got a nipple pinch by dear.. Oh dear watching this stupid fat girl trying to get attention.. hahaha.. she so fat lah... irritating and macam mak2... hahaha..

Ok we hug in the train, and i like how it feels hope it'll last forever.. it came juz in time when i needed a hug... so comforting... u make me feel better dear.. and i love u so much.. and and i give her a massage.. her pinggang penat lah.. ahhaa.. ok2.. i love u dear.. please be my sayang again.. hey i was excited when u msg me syg..

then reach gombak and sit down to let the people get down 1st.. then when we were abt to go.. i give u a kiss on the cheek and lips.. i love how it felt.. i love you dear.

2007-11-30T22:56:00.001+08:00

Feelings.... why do i have this feeling that i won't be the one....... i love you dear... i do anything to be with you.. please be my gf.. i hate the time off.. i hate to see you with other guy.. i want to be with you and the time off to end..

2007-11-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

I remembered everything... from how we contact each other to now...
I remembered how we know from friendster, i copied ur hotmail address to my msn..
Was lucky that u signed in to that account a few days later.. i didn't know who u were.. we chatted and i viewed ur pic.. i thought u was cute.. so we chatted and i feel excited from that moment.. i waited in msn for u to sign in and to chat with you...

So i hinted for a meet up.. so we planned on a weekday... i know it'll be hard for me coz i was in camp dat time.. so i planned ahead and prepare my shirt to meet you.. i took half day on dat day.. i wasn't sure that u would show up coz u said u had no hp on that day but i was excited.. so i reach bugis early and u msg me... u ask me to wait.. so i did and had a smoke... then u reached and tegur me.. i was suprised coz i don't expect u to be there... i was excited.. then i saw ur frens... so we walked behind, holding hands off to esplanade for dinner..

After dinner, ur frens went home and we walked down esplanade and sat down, it was drizzling.. as we sat down, it happen, i was so into u and we kissed for the first time... i was in cloud 9.. we commented abt the rain and i said that it was coz of the trees.. it was stupid but u remembered when we celebrated my 1st b'day, u wrote it on a paper and insert it in a bottle.. i cried when i read that msg.. and i still do.. then i send you on a bus ride home.. i was worried about the time about sending u late home.. but dear was ok, u was safe.

then i remembered our 2nd meeting and it was only u and me... we went out to ang mo kio.. we chatted abt ur b'day and also about the sentosa.. u wanted me to go.. it was do or die... i wanted to but i knew i had duty on that day.. but still i made it happen..

It was our 3rd date, sumhow i changed my duty and took off.. i was excited, pick u up , then waited for ur fren at bb, took the bus to harbour front and proceed to sentosa.. we didn't swim.. we just sat and laugh and we kiss and hug ignoring ur frens and those around us.. at that moment i know i wanted to be with you.. so when i sent you home, i asked u the question..

me: dear... i would like you to be my gal.. i love you..
U: are you sure, tak mcm laki2 lain ke?
me: tak lah.. i love you and really want to be with you..
U: ok lah dear... love you.. ah take care tau balik..
me: ok..

dear: u kat mane?
me: i baru kat bb, today train slow, mcm tak nak kasi i balik..
dear: Ye ke, i rase u dah jatuh cinta tu..
me: hehe... ye lah... jatuh cinta dgn you...

I still remember... dear who is it u having a crush with dear.. who is the one calling u baby.... I love you.. pls be my gal again... i want to be with you and don't want to lose you..

2007-11-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

time is 6.35pm, after sundown, will go to my uncle house for a leg massage.. i feel sleepy, i toss and turn in bed from 5pm till now and still can't sleep... i lay my head my pillow and i start thinking of u... even sitting down i still think of you... i love you very much. So tomorrow i am not working, i have to collect my bike.. and tomorrow is supposed to be our day.. i would love to ask u out but u had plans...

I am not sure if i could or supposed to... but we are on time off.. so i guess i can still wish u this... Happy 1 yr 11 month or 23 month Anniversary my dear... i love and cherish you so much.. I am really hoping to be with u again, forever... i love you... hope to celebrate our 2 years together.. i have already plan it.. just hope we can celebrate it...

I don't know if you'd be reading this but if you do.. i hope all this celebration will come true coz i love you my dear..

2007-11-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

Accident...

We saw the signs... we ignored it and end up in hospital... went to the zoo... with dear, then we ride to newton, took the stevens road exit, i tink i daydream, i think of u behind me and its been long since we have fun and i loving you like this.. then i hit the curb and end up in the drain... the first thing in my mind is my dear for her safety... then i saw her, legs bend awkwardly and i saw the cut, its big.. and she was crying.. i really am guilty and sorry... i don't want it to end dat way.. i was thinking that dat would be the last time i would be with her... but i hope not..

So at Tan Tock Seng hospital.. we were in bed, and i was always looking at you, searching where you could be.. i hope nothing happen.. so i cry and u ask me why, and i said nothing.. actually i was tinking of u... i caused all this and you should be angry with me.. i was thinking if you wouldn't want me anymore and if we were to break.. coz this time off, really i can't bear with it... i really love you and want to be with u.. we kiss and cuddle in the bus and at the zoo.. i love it.. juz feel that i was with you together again

well, naz was shock dat i accident with you... since he know dat we are on time off.. and he couldn't say a word and listen... khai, isz and firdaus my close fren know abt the accident..
hahaha.. they are well informed.. the say i should take care.. which i will...

My dream, is dear told me she going zouk with her frens.. if i want to come along then come with my fren.. i ask all my fren those with car but they juz couldn't so i went alone and search for her on the dance floor... and i saw her looking at me calling me.. and i woke up...

So dear still talking to me and alhamdullilah nothing serious happen.. i ask her question and she still not telling me.. Btw, u have been on my mind and since b4 my b'day, i was already thinking about the guy u had a crush on... its been on my mind.. abt wat happen btw u and him, and how u connected... but i still hope and hope for a miracle dat you are with me and we could be bf and gf like wat we having fun now.... and i won't want to dissapoint..

So you know the truth, abt my past, abt how i love you and u being my first love and my only gf... i hope we will still be together coz i love you so much and will do everything k..

2007-11-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

I don't feel right.. i get this feeling always.... Please be with me dear.. i really love you.. Why do you msg me and answer my call differently today.. it seems dat you don't want me to disturb watever is happening... Please i love you.... i really do.. i can't sleep, can't eat.. i even daydream.. i think of you all the time dear... please.. i beg you.. i really do love you

2007-11-21T10:33:00.001+08:00

Dear, will you be with me dear?

Well, i know its hard and i don't know the answer.. i hope it'll be a yes..
The sadness in my heart is excruciating. I Love you... I want to be with you Dear..

So yesterday went to marina to get the lanyard.. At times i feel jealous and sad... I can sense dat you are excited when he message you.. Then went to eat at marina and took great pictures.. i want the pictures... i want it all.. k dear.. then my mind wonder... the last time...

Went to suntec and shop.. It was great but still in my heart there's this feeling... i feel sad... i cried in my heart... went to the sky garden and had fun.. took great pictures of us.. i want em'.
We sat and talk... dear told me abt her frens. well i do think dat the guy is not wrong juz the gal is very mentel.. And why do guys need a reason for not liking gals.. coz for me when i don't like means i don't.. So in my heart there's only you.. its a very strong feeling..

So we walk to get a cab at esplanade, along the way i ask dear questions.. She answered me its hard, its feeling against principal.. so i know dat hyrey is in ur heart.. but feelings against principal, hmm, well feelings will always be stronger than principal and i had dat feeling in my heart again... the feeling, i cried in my heart.. along the way it rained and we share sweaters juz like last time and i was touched and feel like crying..

At the taxi stand theres no taxi but there's a long queue. So we waited and dear rest her head on my shoulder, and i love the feeling i really can't stand to cry but sumhow i managed.. only my heart feels it.. my arms wrapped around your waist and i feel in heaven... i wish we could stay dat way forever.. Since we waited for more than an hour, we decide to move to get the cab sumwhere else. so we walked...

In the cab, we played with Dora, the plush toy, and it was fun and i rest my head on her shoulder and i began to dream abt last time... abt how i want us to stay this way... i love you dear..

Well dear, its juz not the same as being frens.. i know dat i could never get to go out with you or even meet you... But the most important is dat i love you and want to be your dear...

I will Love you always and forever dear..

2007-11-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

Sunday wasn't good for me.. i can't think, still shock from wat happened and very2 sad.. i juz want her... no one console me better than my dear.. i cried dat day.. i can't sleep at nite.. thinking of wat happened.. thinking of u with other guy, thingking of memories we share together.. and most importantly thinking of u, my dear, how i miss you so much even when this happens i want to be with you and to meet u and hold hands and all the piggy back and all the laughter.. monday was great.. went out with her and there's jealousy when he called her and she spoke to him like how couples do... i feel sad and worthless... went home message you and crying over the msn with you.. also can't sleep, still thinking of wat happened and about our past memories, and how the first time i meet you and want you to be mine.. the exact words i say the messages u send to me.. its juz like yesterday... so cried the whole night and this morning.. went to work and tears fill up my eyes again.. can't do anything like this.. i love you dear.. pls don't leave me... hah.. i'm caught day dreaming by my colleagues.. well still thinking of you..

2007-11-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

why does this happen? my love... my realtionship about to end... but i won't give up.. i've been with u and u are my life.. i want you to be with me as much as i want to be with you.. please.. i really don't want to part with u.. i have been in ur position b4 and its hard...

2007-11-20T00:38:00.002+08:00

Juz when thing was about to be better.. some event happen and shatter everything... she was missing me.. i was missing her.. i was to get her the dora.. and now its sitting on my bed.. i was late.. it takes long for us to fell in love and juz 1 day to be in this situation.. i am sad.. cried... So she went out and had some event dat makes her confused... i shall not elaborate.. i don't want her to be sad.. she confide in me.. i was listening.. but juz sad it happen, i can't explain or say comforting words as i know how she feel of her ex.. Well it takes juz 1 day... now i am feeling insecure.. we are not calling ourself dear.. not holding hands... i love her, miss her... i am feeling very very different... i want u dear.. i can't see u with other guy.. i won't go with other gal even though u say gal will go with ppl having bike, but still i want only u on my bike... no other.. i love u loads.. I know u need ur time but dear... i hope u would love me dear and be with me.. i know i can't compared to him.. but i swear i love u and will sacrifice my life for u.. i cried when we fight i worried when u club... dear i love u... i can't part with u dear..

2007-11-20T00:38:00.001+08:00

2007-11-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

Its been so freaking long since my last post... so wat's up with me.... Loads have been happening..
Some might know dat when i post a blog... Its a sad story about me or depression.. Well this is some sort of it..

Well recently i had fun, with my dear seri, we done lots of stuff together, been thru bad and happy times.. Well i'm so to say not the perfect bf but i give all my heart to her.. So i remember my birthday celebration, then the east coast and west coast... the bus rides and the late night at esplanade, when she confide in me, i listen and all the stuff we did together..

So b'day was great, well i like celebrating with dear.. she cooked for me, bought me sweater which i like and shorts and shoe bag.. also the cookies.... so change clothes, eat food, nasi goreng beef, and dance with her piggy back (her favourite) haha... so fun.. then went to sumwhere but the slide wasn't slippery... well had loads of fun, she planned it very very well though... i thought her bro was going to tell me about the motor thing.. in fact it was b'day celebration... too bad no pics was taken too dark..

So next was east coast, actually she went to town to get her extension done.. so i pick her up.. then unsure where to go.. but was hungry.. we went to newton... eat there and dear flirt with caucasion kid.. hehe.. he was so friendly and want to make frens, juz dat singaporeans aren't dat friendly, always comparing. After dat both of us got no plans.. so i suggest going to tampines.. so there we go.. on the bike on the road to tamp.. ah walk ard there.. and check out stuff.. the dear suggest to east coast... so to east coast we go... sit and chat also got crazy stuff happen.. dear lie on my lap... i look at her and kiss her.. i love those moments.. then we sit back to back... talking listening to music.. its the best.. then time to be an arsonist dear... haha.. we burn paper and foams but too bad too little paper... but stilll fun.. and piggy back... love u dear..

Now this time, we off to west coast.. park my bike at bb. then we went to bb.. buy newpaper.. people must be wondering why we bought newpaper at nite.... so read on.. off in a cab to west coast.. bought nugget frm mcdonald and play the playground over there.. well dear got some exercise over there.. haha.. ok lah. sweaty already and dear.. piggy back again... this time i got mine too.. love it.. i tink i'm berat tulang.. but wah dear was strong... then we went to sumwhere to burn the newpaper.. wah the fire was big and i love the heat.. mini campfire.. hmmm.. so long never had dat.. i love all this stuff dear.... i really love it and miss u dear... so late at nite went home.. tried to wait for taxi but none was seen.. then went to opposite road and tried to call.. but call was slow.. no taxi ard... so waited until i saw a cab and dear and me hold hands dash across and hail the cab.. the cab was slow to reach us lah.. but its all ok.. got into the cab and send dear home.. then off home i go.. and raining when i was on the highway from bukit batok.. i was thinking it was juz drizzling.. but its wasn't it's raining... haha... so reach home all drenched..

Dear... i love it, we hang out together, no fights... i cherish everything we done together dear..

2007-06-22T21:37:00.001+08:00

Haiya.... No mood today... freakingly miss my gf... she's at KL... i'm here in singapore... miss her so much.. Message her everyday... I miss the long bus ride to the east and then to the west again... miss hugging her... miss when she lay her head on my shoulder.. i need her hug right now... i miss her so... i love her.. please don't go.. all i can do now is look at the collage on the frame she gave me.. her picture will make me happy.. but right now i need her.. i miss her so very much.. please come back.. i want to be with you

2007-06-17T16:57:00.000+08:00

Kasih.. maafkan diriku
Banyak dosaku padamu
Tidak terhitung jari jemari daku
Tak dapat dibilang bagai bintang beribu
Sukarnya diriku menebus kekhilafan yang lalu

Kasih.. engkau tak bersalah
Hanya hatiku yang buta
Tulus dan ikhlas kau korban jiwa raga
Dan tanpa belas ku buat kau kecewa
Ku tahu dirimu sukar melupakan segalanya

Tiga malam tanpa bintang
Dan diriku dihimpit penyesalan
Arah tuju kian fana
Kerna hilangnya manira
Bagaikan siang diselubung gerhana

Kembalikan senda tawa
Pulangkanlah manis disenyum manja
Ku pahatkan keinsafan
Dan patrikan kesetiaan
Sehingga nadi menafikan nyawa

Kasih.. maafkan diriku
Banyak dosaku padamu
Tidak terhitung jari jemari daku
Tak dapat dibilang bagai bintang beribu
Sukarnya diriku menebus kekhilafan yang lalu

Kasih.. engkau tak bersalah
Hanya hatiku yang buta
Tulus dan ikhlas kau korban jiwa raga
Dan tanpa belas ku buat kau kecewa
Ku tahu dirimu sukar melupakan segalanya
Kasih…

2007-06-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

Bad Day, Bad Month... I'm cursed.. Why must all this happen to me......

2007-06-11T10:16:00.001+08:00

Back to Work...

Monday morning, the most boring day of the week. After 2 days of enjoying and relaxing at home, have to come to work. haix.. But somehow, today i feel so energetic, could be coz i stayed home yesterday the whole day and slept twice, one in the evening and one at night. Ok reach work and saw 2 guys, hahaha.. John the Blur and his friend, his name Kelvin. Kelvin just started working to relief Danmon for 3 weeks. So ok lah.. 1st impression, Kelvin is better than John. Sorry, but thats the truth. But seriously if one of my army friend see John, He'll be F**ked everyday, coz the problem with him is he doen't believed anyone to be so stupid and blur.

So today John is sitting and Cho bo lan at the back doing Konica stuff, guess what he like it not because of the Konica thing, but coz he is near to his "darling" Ru Huan. Still waiting for him to get her phone no. His previous record is 12 hr. So i can't wait to hear how this is going to end. And Ru Huan is soo naive, went to the toilet without her hp, inviting John to get ur hp no isit.. hahaha.. Anyway don't care them lah...

Dear call me Ok when u finish school...

2007-06-11T10:01:00.001+08:00

Saturday, 09th June, went out with dear. Meet her up at 10.30am.. went to her place at 10.30 but the phone is out of order. So went to a shop nearby and use the phone to call her. My hp, hahaha.. no need to say lah.. the bill damn a lot.. hahaha.. Then off we went to woodlands to eat and walk around a bit. Then we went to Velocity, then dear's back aching. So not much walking around over there. Sat at Long John and massage dear back. huhuhuh.. Then went to take 124 service to Orchard. Went to eat calamari ring from British take away. Then we walked at far east and guess wat. My dear went shopping there. hahaha. Bought herself a dress, a key pendant and a belt. Then walk around to heeren and went to starbucks at orchard tower. The smoking seats over there is always full, damn those non smoker seating there. hahaha. Oh then we went on a long bus journey to bedok and back to clement before she took a cab back from clementi to bukit batok and i took an mrt ride home from clementi to bedok. Thats all for our day together..

2007-06-07T09:46:00.000+08:00

Cool evening...

Yeah, yesterday went to meet my elmo. Supposed to meet her at 10.30, but then i wake up late. and reached at 11.30am. Lucky me, she is very patient that day. And she brought me food too.. Thanks syg.

So off we went to town. First place we went is Takashimaya. We bought our favourites over there. She had her smileys and i had my french "crueler" (pardon the spelling). Also bought ToriQ and also drinks. Then we sat infront of takashimaya to eat. MMMmmm nice. Then went to heeren atm and check my saving. Then i went to shop. Bought myself a shirt at flesh Imp and dear loves the long necklace and the key pendant there. Next we went to Lucky and have my hair cut. Damn, the aunty say want to style my hair but it look like shit. So i have to keep long again and style again. hahaha.

After dat we went to bugis and off to city hall for dinner. At city hall, went to a surf shop. Then dear got this crazy idea i try on a mesh cap. So i try it on and she say its nice.. hahahha.. funny lah coz i have never before wear a cap. haha. Then she force me to buy the cap, just so i could wear it. So i bought it, with her money. Thanks eh dear.. Then off to have dinner at Seol Garden.

Now, there one thing dat we can't do at Seol Garden, that is stop laughing. Eat with her over there sure laugh out loud. So we eat there and we realised the tom yum soup base suck.. No flavour.. hahahaha.. other than dat its ok lah.. Then after dinner, went to lepak2 with her before sending her home and i myself also went home and sleep.

PS: My mom is irritating and keep asking about the thing dat i buy from Courts. Irritating sia. At night and early in the morning also she nag.

2007-06-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

Shit Shit..

This has happen too many times and i think my gf will not like this at all. Damn, i want to spend time with her tomorrow, and this time, its not that i can't get mc or leave coz i can. It's the same problem over and over. When will it end.

Well i check that my pay is not in. Guess i'll be starving for the month or so.. shit.. I want to spend time with you dear. Is $20 enough for the day.. damn i really hate this. Bad Luck. Now how am i gonna tell it to her.. She'll be mad of course..

I guess i'll tell her tonight. Sorry in advance my dear. And if u don't want to meet me tomorrow, then its ok. Some other time when i got my pay also can.

2007-06-05T08:44:00.001+08:00

Guess wat.. today i feel the same thing like yesterday.. Very different when going to work. Felt stuffy. Ok lah.. I went to shower and get ready for work. After getting ready, take a look at the watch and my gosh i was late. hahaha. Luckily i went out with my brother and he suggested we take a cab, he would drop me off at international plaza and then off to pasir panjang, his work place. But brother is paying the cab fare. Thanks.

Oh yah, reach office and got to know my hardware engineer is on 2 days mc. FUCK him lah.. Also the Air con was down, guess wat since yesterday. So work will not be enjoyed by me. Anyway, it has not been enjoyed at all. hahaha.

Can't wait for the end of the day, to meet dear. Good Morning dear... Go to school, and just ignore that guy ok. I know you can do it. Now, i'm back to work.. Leceh..

2007-06-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

HEHE... change my blog background.. then last background sucks coz imageshack got some problems or they change the webhost. so this is gonna b my background.

Ah dear, i know u like my background, u nak eh... i can do it for u... u nak tak.. hehehe

2007-04-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

Punk'ED

Yesh i was punked by my Dear today. But still i felt the sadness and hurt inside. Not a single anger. I love her so much and don't want to part. If destiny does its round and we were not meant to be, then it'll be my fault that don't make it happen and the sadness and lonelyness will be with me forever even if i know u were with someone else. Can't u see how much i love you. My tears collected im my eyelids but can't hurt you by crying in front of you. Went to raffles station as it was quieter and so i sat down and wait for the next train. I cried but no one can see me except god almighty. I prayed to him for us not to end. To continue our relationship forever. Seriously i'm sad when talking bout breakups with U. Even now, i felt the sadness and want to cry when i write about destiny and the punk'ed breakup. So dear, please no more talk about break up. I want to be with you forever

2007-04-12T10:23:00.000+08:00

Wat a day.. yesterday took half day to run some errands. After dat went to East Coast and town with dear. So much fun but why you don't want to ride in the front and control the bike. hehe, phobia eh dear. Oh yah, you were so kanciong that u hurt my hand. Takmu gitu cyg, i noe u care. Tapi its really nothing. Tak luka pon. Just felt pain for awhile only. Lagipon i boy, u nie.. hehehe...

Ok. Today wake up late and went to work. On the way, bumped into an old friend of mine Jannif, Secondary school friend. So chit chat n yak yak yak... hehehe... Jannif was so different. Now he got lots more to do. He's like teaching PE and CCA at a school and he was telling me how times have change and the kids well protected by the parents. How a pai kia in school throws a chair at the teacher, oh my.. haha.. Also Jannif is taking part time private degree. Good for you. He advise me to follow soon. Which i'm going to do also. He's telling me how stress with the degree, that he need to do assignment and project and also presentation also with the planning for the school cca. Ok good luck Jannif. Well i have to go now, drop at tanjong pagar. Jannif dropping at thiong bahru. Bid Jannif goodbye and off i go.

Reach office and begin my day. Then here i am updating my blog and thingking about this question, Why is the grass so much greener on the other side? and what i have to do to get to the other side?

2007-04-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

Wah.. I'm superliciously lazy to update my blog or any online thingy... hehe.. lucky dear updating my friendster... thanks eh dear... This is also coz dear ask me to update.

well, had fun with dear on friday.. meet her early at 10.00 am.. haha... early rite... nowadays juz can't help it.. always want to spend more time with her. Ok met dear and off we go to "Pasir Ris". OOoops... we u turned. hehe.. Pasir Ris to far away. Then we go to beach road. We both hungry and eat there.. Biase ah... Dear and me = Lots of food. hehehe... Our nick "buncit"... hehehe..

After eat, went to buy my shirt at beach rd. Then Off to town.. Reach town. We go to Starbucks coz i'm thirsty. So me and dear had Starbucks. Dear had caramel frap and i had ice vanilla latte both venti please(biggest size). Then we got free drink coupon from starbucks coz the barista think they are slow. Lucky us. Ur mistake is our gain, rite deary. Ok sit out side at smoking corner and yak yak yak... hehe... Dear don't know got starbucks near her werk place.. hehe.. But dats good. If not she addicted. Everytime starbucks, cannot tau.. Tak bagos minum kopi everyday.

After dat, went to heeren, and my bladder give me problem. Tak leh tahan lah dear. We went shopping.. Bought everything same. Shoes, wallet, shirt, bag, Only short and undies can't be same.. haha.. Went to bugis, bought shoes, then we sit and sort out what we bought.. Fun, at first my bag was empty. Now its full.. hehe.. Oh we sat at starbucks bugis too. Claim our free drink. heeee.. Then Off we go.. Back Home.. Thanks for the day cyg.

Next, i set my eyes on contact lens and skinny jeans.. The Volcom skinny jeans is very very nice i like. But $115 seh.. Mane nak cekau duit. But still i want that skinny jeans. So tommorrow, i'm gonna rob a bank. hehe... Kidding.. Oh lupe, cyg Seri... Muakz...

2007-03-01T09:24:00.000+08:00

Good Morning

Arrrggghhh!!! wat an eventful morning for me. Come in for work this morning and the first face i saw gave me a shitty mood for the rest of the day. First was his usual good morning, next was the stupid reasons that he asked from me for the hardware engineer. The truth is that i am tired for answering for my hardware and software engineers. Btw, stop asking me for the reasons of why some jobs take so long to complete. Ask the engineer yourself. Its not me who is doing the jobs. If its my job, then i know what to do. Anyway you are only a customer service officer not a technical person. Of course you wouldn't understand my explaination. Now you try to give me the power to stop people higher position than me, are you sure of the things that you are doing? So this is what i'm saying lah.. F**K lah.. Mind your own customer service team and engineers. Even some of your engineers are giving you problems so stick your ass in your own problems before sticking them in other peoples business. And F**king get the hell out of my view dude. Because i know that my engineers are doing and they have been doing fine till you start to disrupt the work process.

And now there's this new guy. What can i say about him.. well he's ok but he's very2 blur. i can see that he is a technical guy not a customer service person. so Good luck to you..

So if i could get a new job as soon as possible, it'll be great and i will leave immediately before the problem get bigger. Anyone want to follow me. hey jason i'm sure you'll want to follow me

2007-02-28T14:35:00.000+08:00

Anyone got any job to recommend me.. hahaha.. Seriously. I am freakingly tired and bored to death doing this job. So if anyone can help me get away from the job that i am doing now is soo much appreciated.

Anyway, went out with dear a few time and love the feeling when i'm with her. Now no more fightings like last time. I miss my dear soo much. Love her with all my heart. Outing with her is so much fun. She as usual got lots of stories and i as usual will laugh and laugh with her. Also i like calling her at home now. Coz messages won't prove to her that i'm home and also i won't know her feelings until i call her. So now i will cherish every moment i spend with you dear.. Muakz

So what we did during our outing.. huhu.. its for us to know and you to find out.. hehehe.. O gosh! my dear will call me and complain if i put this phrase in my post. hehe.. Btw, my dear fall down the bike when we go to pasir ris. Pity u lah dear.. recover soon OK.. She never told me dat she can't control the bike until i let her ride in the front. puupuuu.. Sorry dear. I should not let you control the bike.

2007-01-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

BrOkE

I have a problem. I don't know where my money went. On paper, it looks as if i got lots of money to spare but reality, all the money is missing. I did some simple calculation and i found out that i should have $200 to $250 to spare. Someone help me figure where my money is.

So i get $1200 per month. I gave $600 to my parents to help pay the bills and house rent. This will leave me with $600. Out of the $600, i pay my hp bill and pay my dad cpf and the total amounting to $200 to $250 at most. Ok lets say i take the latter and minus off my $600 balance. And i will be left with $350 (600 - 250 = 350). Ok now, if i were to minus my transport expense which is $100 to go to work and meet my Gf, then i'll be left with $250. Not bad eh. $250 to spare. But then i haven't minus off my spending with my Gf, so this will be ard $150. So my problem is where is the $100 that i should save every month?? Ok lets say i spend $50 on lunch at work every month, coz i don't really eat at work to save money to go out with my Gf. Now where is the other $50.

Then again, i receive my pay twice per month, which means $600 every two weeks. So my calculation will be $ 300 to my parents, $125 to cpf and hp, $50 to transport. So $600 - $475 = $125. This $125 - $ 25 for lunch = $100. So lets say i spent $50 with my Gf . I should have $50 left. Ok lets say from the $50, i'll save $25. So where is my other $25.

Help me please someone.

2007-01-07T10:28:00.000+08:00

Outing with Dear

Yesterday, went out woth my dear. We walk around town and went to esplanade. We had so much fun. We are supposed to meet my friend khai. But he was late in the end we never met him. Ok we walk chatted bought some stuff, Foods and chocolates and watches, and also played games by walking faster when i hold her. SO much fun in 1 whole day. Ok2 then my mom keep on calling ask me where i am and when i'll be home. I know mom, but i am a grown up i know how to take care of myself ok.

Then when going home, My dear was mad at me. I'm not sure of what it is. Is it because of something i said or she is thingking of what i did in the past. I could see in the bus that she is not in a good mood. I could also see that she wanted to cry. I ask her y? she did not say anything. She just ignore me and said nothing. Haix.

After sending her to BB. I went home. At home i opened the present she gave me. When i opened the bottle and read the note, tears just flow down. Its soo sweet. The poem was good but the Phrase "kenape ade air, sebab ade pokok" just make me cry. She remembered what i said when i meet her for the 1st time. I realise how much she loved me and her sacrifice for me. I wonder why i meet her in the 1st place. I'm not what she expect me to be. I'm thingking if i was the right guy for her. What i want to do know is ask for her forgiveness and continue the relationship and continue to love her like how i promised.

2007-01-02T00:24:00.000+08:00

NEW YEAR

Yes.. celebrate new year with my family. Actually not the full family. hahaha.. My sister went to pasir ris. My brother and his tunang goes to god knows where. So my dad, mum and Fadhlur, his sister and mom went with us to esplanade. Well actually not esplanade, but at the bridge on marina. We sort of just drive by.

So today's monday. New Year and hopefully a new begining. Trying to wake myself up from the long break during and after NS. Have to prove to dear Seri that i trully and seriously in love with her and no one else. So today meeting her and going to have a great day with her.

Meet her at 11 i tink. Then we straight away went to Dye my hair. I was thinking of dying my hair black but She wants me to bleach my hair. Ok so go with her decision. Then after dat, we went to tangs. She bought herself a bag. Ok the bag was nice. Like mature gals bag. She adores my hair colour. So she wants to dye also. Ok i will dye for her this time. Then we walk2 town abit, went to buy her hair clip and off we go to Science center. We had a dinner reservation at Sakura over there. Then we eat and eat. After dat, we walk at the science center for a bit and ended up playing checkers. I couldn't tell who won coz we didn't complete the game. Then we sat down at the mcdonalds and lit up a cigs. After both of us finish our cigs, we went home. i kiss her goodbye at the Jurong east mrt. Actually i wanted to send her till bukit batok, but she insist that i just take the train home.

Ok2 reached home, my dad was watching tv. Then he saw me. Next is a scolding and a nagging from him. Ok dad. I know but i'm grown u now. Please just accept me. I you don't like it, i'll dye my hair back to black but next month. Ok dad. I look at my dad. He doesn't look normal. I think he is stress about the family. Also the financial state we are in. I understand. I don't blame him and of course i will help in all the way that i can. So went to my room and change. Lazy to bath. On the com and check my mail. Wah got lots of job but all programming. I hate. My company need network engineer but i don't have the cert. and experience. So just msg dear and she said she want to sleep. but then she still go in the msn. Haix. How can i sleep when dad is still nagging at me. So chat with her a bit and update this blog that no one reads. haha. Ok2 finally she wants to sleep and also meeting her at 3 tommorrow. Ok dear Good night. And Also i'm feeling sleepy now. So i'm off to bed also after i post this blog. hahaha.. Ok.

Ok today was good. I love my dear seri Soo much. Can't live withut her. You belive me?? Well its up to you. God knows. And dear, dye your hair soon eh. Coz i tink dad is very angry ah.. hehe..

2006-12-29T09:51:00.000+08:00

Dreams
Are dreams real? will i get a deja vu? Does dreams tell you something about the future? If it does, why doesn't it just go straight to the point? or are dreams just a fantasy when your mind wonder when you go to sleep?

I don't have the answer to all these questions, but 1 things for sure is i got a weird sweet dreams yesterday night. And i have not been having dreams when i go to sleep lately. Ok here's how the dream is like.

I was with my Girlfriend Seri and also with my wacko friends, Farid, Fadhlur, Nazri, Iskandar. Then we went to this block and did a lot of stupid fun stuff. The surrounding is peaceful and the roads have no cars. Then suddenly all of them had to leave, including my girlfriend. But all of them said that they'll be back. So they all leave. The last to leave is my girlfriend. I watched my girlfriend leave and said i will message her. Then i suddenly move and tried to follow her. But then suddenly there's obstacles, blocking my path. I have to get through road works. Go the long way and also brave the heat before i get to see her in a distance. I tried to shout her name but she was quite a distance away. Then i took out my phone and when i want to message her and search in my phone directory........ I woke up.

I checked my phone and saw my girlfriend have message me and give me a miss call. There was another message also from my friend syaril. So i message my girlfriend 1st. she was mad that i replied late. so i told her that i just wake up from sleep. She told me that she was at esplanade and was with her school friends. Oh, she was from her school prom and then she hang out with her school friends. Then exchange a few messages with her and went to sleep again.

Btw, the other message i didn't reply because his attitude is not what i like for a friend. His message reads like this "Ril kau ade sen tak? Oleh jam aku 50 tak? Bsk aku kena naik court psl fiza ah. ni syahril." Ok eventhough i got money, i wont lend it to him. Because i know i won't get it back. Also his problem with this girl have been going on from when i was still in army camp. This guy is not a keeper, even when they are together, he still tells me of his scandals.

Ok2, back to the picture. I don't know what the dreams meant but i hope it meant good. Also, dreaming of my girlfriend Seri have always been a sweetdream to me.

2006-12-28T11:39:00.000+08:00

A Shoulder to cry on
Life is full of lots of up and downs
But the distance feels further
When it's headed for the ground
And there's nothing more painful
Then to let your feelings take
you down

It's so hard to know
The way you feel inside
When there's many thoughts
And feelings that you hide
But you might feel better
If you let me walk with you
By your side

Chorus:
And when you need
A shoulder to cry on
When you need
A friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
You won't be alone
I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your love to rely on
When the whole world's gone
You won't be alone 'cause I'll be there

All of the times
When everything is wrong
And your feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out
And carry on

Side by side
With you till the end
I'll always be the one
A Shoulder To Cry On

To firmly hold your hand
No matter what is said or done
Our love will always continue on

Chorus:
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone,
you won't be alone' Cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one to rely one
When the whole world's gone,
you wont be alone'Cause I'll be there
And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on

Dedicated to My Seri...

2006-12-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

Sacked

I hope i don't receive a red letter for this, but then again, getting sacked is not bad at all. It means i can go and look for another job without a hassle. Anyway today, i beat my personal record time of comming late by 10 mins. Previous record was 8.50 a.m. today's best was 9.00 a.m. So events that lead me to comming late were as follows:

Yesterday night, turn down offer from Khai to club at O bar with him. Sorry guys, i quit that a long2 time ago. Next played com till 10p.m. After that smoke a cigs and then went to sleep. Haha. Wrong, went to sleep in sisters room. Then at 2 a.m. suddenly woke up from sleep. no sure y.. So toss and turn and still can't sleep. Now i got up and move to the living room. Asked my sister who is sleeping on the floor to go and sleep on the bed. I then light up a cigarette and smoke. Then my mind began to roam. I began thingking of you and all the sweet memories with you. Ok2... then at 4 a.m. went back to sleep. Then today morning, wake up at 7.30 a.m. oh my gosh this is too late. Haha.. but still i have time for 1 more cigarette, then went for my shower.

I leave home at about 8.20 a.m. walk to the interchange and took my train ride at 8.34 a.m. hahhaa..... For the whole train journey, i realise i been looking down to the floor till i got a message from my project leader which read "you not in office yet?". I wonder if i should reply to him but then move my fingers to type "nope, not yet. today i'm late". So when i reached tamjong pagar station, i hurried myself to the office. Reached the office at 9.00 a.m. and turn on my pc. Check the calls, and it was a lot. hahha. Now i'm in my office and doing my usual blog entry. till nxt time. Oh yah, forgot. Today going to woodlands blk 892 to help my aunt do decorations for a wedding. So will be home late. Anything, just msg me or call me ok.. toodles.....

2006-12-21T09:38:00.000+08:00

Late Again

Went to work reached at about 8.50 a.m. Well yesterday can't sleep again. Thingking of you. Today was shocked to see that my friend is not in the office. Hmmm.. Later found out that he's got a 2days mc "long weekend". Futhermore, 1 of my hardare engineer zye was on mc also. Wah! damn super lah they all. Haix. Then its me here all alone.

Ok2, yesterday naz called. He got a new hp. Nokia N73. Good for you naz. Then he asked me out on sunday and since monday is a holiday. He wants us to relive our past that is just before going to NS. Hmmm. Ok2, we bunch of friend used to be so close. We would cycle to east coast most of the time either just to cycle or go fishing which we will then stay overnight. Also we would play soccer or sepak takraw in the night most time and everyweekend, we would play soccer. Trouble free and happy. But now, most of us are busy. With me working, naz, isz, Fir serving NS. Khai also working, its hard for us to do what we did last time. So now, he wants us to relive that time once more. So i told him. Get all the guys coz i'm all set for it.

Ok2, be sure to check out my post on the weekend.

2006-12-20T09:42:00.000+08:00

Sleepless Nite

Late for work again. hmm... Maybe its just me that woke up late. But then i can't get any sleep at night. When i lay down, my mind just won't shut off. It wonders to think of every little thing i do, thinking of you, the future and many more things. I hope i can put my mind at ease. But then again when can i get this peace. Anyway last monday stayed at home, didn't went to work. Get up in the morning and feel dizzy. So stayed at home and watched tv and on the msn. At 3 p.m. went to poly to get MC. Then went home again and just watch tv. Poor dad is not feeling well so watch tv with him the whole day. Well dats about wat i do everyday.

2006-12-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

The Truth(Hope you'll read this and undertand more about me)

Everything that i'm going to write here is the truth, no lies, and i swear my whole heart to it.

Day to Day activities
Every day i went to work. Went straight home after dat unless its i'm meeting you. If not, then i'll go home and be on the computer playing games or on the msn. Every day in work and at home i will sms you. So i don't know how you get the idea of me talking to other girls. By the way, On weekdays if i were to go out, then it'll be with khai, coz Nazri and iskandar would be in camp but if they are on off days, then i'll sometimes meet them. On weekends however, It'll always be with you. Evert Saturday, i will go out with you and return late at night. On sundays, i will play soccer or meet naz and khai or i would just stay at home, on the msn or watch tv and wait for you to wake up and sms you again. So now you know what i do everyday.

Gal friends
Azrina, Lena, Zahira(Naz), and Aiza(Khai). Well maybe you have seen zahira, naz girlfrend, but u have not seen the other 3 girls. Aiza is khai's girlfriend. For Azrina and Lena, they are my girlfriend from poly. Both of them will only call or sms me when they're facing problems and need help. I swear to god i have never gone out with them. But Azrina sms me alot and is in my msn contacts. She's been with azmi for a few years. But she'll only chat with me if there is problems with her boyfriend. Nothing more than dat. As for the girls that have called you, i seriously had no idea who they were. I'm not an idiot who give my phone number or yours to strangers.

Friends
Have lots of friends. Naz, Khai, Iskandar. These 3 guys are my bestfriend. Always hang out with them. There's army friend who would sometimes call me to play soccer for their team when they are short of men. So basically those that would contact me are guys and swear to god that all those that i went out with is guys. And the friends that ask me out usually is Naz, Khai and Dino. Dino is a friend from secondary. He stays near me and he's 2 years younger than me.

Am I Bad?
I would say yes. I made a lot of wrong choices till now. I used to go to clubs. Smoke and did things u never imagine i would. But i have never drink and cheated on you. I'm bad coz of the things that i've done to you, have no doubt hurt you and made you cried.

I'm not perfect
I won't deny dat i'm not perfect. I'm am not what you expected to be. I tried to love you to make you feel that i was the one but all my efforts are not noticed.I tried to change so that i could adapt to you but still i was far from what you wanted. So it came to my senses that i am just not good enough for you.

Apologise
I would like to apologise to you for all the things that i've done to you. I would like to say sorry for making you cry, for hurting you, causing you so much pain. I hope you forgive me and that we can still continue the relationship.

2006-12-19T10:54:00.000+08:00

Worried

For two days i haven't get any sleep. The tought of you still in my mind. The loneliness, being without you set an excruciating pain in me. I'm sad that you have come to make this decision. And to be honest i really don't want our realationship to end. Change. Yes i can change but it won't take a blink of an eye for me to change completely. Hope we could talk things through when you get back.....

2006-11-29T10:03:00.000+08:00

Usah Lepaskan - Taufik Batisah

Yang terindah terlukis dibibirmu

Tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu sebegitu

Andai kasih dan cinta yang kuberi

Berwarna-warni segala yang dijanjikan ia...

Usah biar ku bersendirian

Usah biar hatimu ditawan

Usah biar diri ku disini

Seorang menunggu tanpa teman

Usah lepas gengaman tangan mu

Usah biar semua berlalu

Usah kau lupa perasaan hati

Pertama kali kita bertemu

Usah lepaskan...

Tak mudah ku melupa segala yang berlaku

Ku ingin selalu bersama mu...

Usah biar ku bersendirian

Usah biar hatimu ditawan

Usah biar diri ku disini

Seorang menunggu tanpa teman

Usah lepas gengaman tangan mu

Usah biar semua berlalu

Usah kau lupa perasaan hati

Pertama kali kita bertemu

Ku tak peduli apa sebabnya

Engkau dan dia harus bersama

Mendungnya langit bila berkata

Kita patutnya masih bercinta

Usah lepaskan...

Yeay...

Usah lepaskan...

Yang terindah terlukis dibibirmu

Tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu sebegitu

2006-11-27T15:09:00.000+08:00

Dear in Malaysia..

Damn bored at work rite now.... Dear in Malaysia so weekend stay at home. When you coming home ar dear, Mish you lah boo.... Anyway Happy anni u... Semalam tak wish u coz u in malaysia. Msg pon tak gune.. coz you tak dapat... Btw, yesterday chat with your sister and she miss you tooo... hehe... And she ask me wat to buy for you on ur birthday... so i said don't know... hehehe so she won't steal my ideas.. hahaha... tot tot!! I mish you like crazy lah.. Syg u so much.

2006-11-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

It's hard to wake up
when the shades have been pulled shut
this house is haunted
it's so pathetic
it makes no sense at all

I'm ripe with things to say
the words rot and fall away
what stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day

So here's your holiday
hope you enjoy it this time
you gave it all away
it was mine
so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night
twenty years now lost
it's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
been running strong for seven years
rather than fix the problems
they never solve them
it makes no sense at all

I see them everyday
we get along, so why can't they?
if this is what he wants
and this is what she wants
then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
hope you enjoy it this timeyou gave it all away
it was mine
so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night
twenty years now lost
it's not right

So here's your holiday
hope you enjoy it this time
you gave it all away
it was mine
so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night
twenty years now lost
it's not right
it's not right
it's not right
it's not right

2006-11-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

Shit... Fuck Off all of those people trying to break off our relationship.. i fucking hate u all. Hope u die a terrible death and burn in hell.... shit... sape sak selalu call mataer aku and buat story.. sak ah..

2006-10-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

Starting a Business

Haha... I laugh it off. My friend yesterday ask me about starting a business. Funny guy. I said what business to start. He say Don't Know. gagaga.. Fark lah u my reply. Then he suggested to franchise. ok2 heres the conversation:

li gen: bro, want to start bis?
me: wat bis?
li gen: Don't know leh.
me: fark lah u, don't know wat to start. haha
li gen: we do franchise?
me: haha. got money or not. haha. also what to franchise. I suggest starbucks at tanjong pagar coz over there don't have 1 and also people prefer starbucks to coffee beans.
li gen: haha. i heard in australia the food sucks.
me: what u want me to do? i'm not a chef. haha
li gen: i want to start a bis with you leh
me: ok lah. i got take entrepreneur module. but not easy leh. need to be creative and eye for opportunity.
li gen: ok lah. u do the work, i take the $$.
me: fark.. haha
li gen: seriously. i want to franchise.
me: must make research. ok lah. i chat with you again. bye bro.

Haha.. lots of people have ask me to set up a bis with them. Yes i know. Singapore is an easy place for business. But are these people prepared to take the risk. Also they keep complaining about $$. Well for a busines, we don't need the $$, we can always look for investor. But we must make sure the business can sell. Anyway, its just a dream. Unless i got a great idea that just pop out of nowhere or i seriously want to do import or export business. Haha. Dream on guys.

Oh yeah.. yesterday talk to sweetheart. She got lots of stories. and laugh2... hehe.. you know i know dear. haha. also she go back late. jgn tak bangun g skolah sudah. hehe

2006-10-17T09:31:00.000+08:00

My Gratitude Report

This is to take a moment of my time to recount the blessings in my life :

The most inspiring teahcer:
Mdm Wati and Mr Azhar... for all the stories and the cool way you guys teach.

3 people who changed my life:
well not actually 3.. haha.. They are Seri, Naz and My family.

Seri for being there in my life filling in my empty heart.
Naz for being a good friend and always there for chat.
Family, u guys break and make my life for me.

Best Friend:
Naz

Favourite hangout spot:
esplanade and staircase landing near dears house.

Esplanade the place me and dear chill when we ran out of ideas where to go.
Staicase landings. haha. u noe and i noe dear.. oh got our name oh the walls. gagag...\

Favourite foodstall:
None. But eat budget. need to safe money.. so its usually lucky or long john. If got money then
go to swensen or pizza hut.. but our anni gone be special.. hehe.... tak leh lang.. anti dear bace..

5 things i can't live without:
Money, Hp, Computer, ezlink card and tv

5 person i can't live without:
Seri, Naz, Family, Seri and Seri
hehe

Fondest memory of life:
1st meeting of Seri. The overnight with Seri. Just being with her the laughter and chats is so much fun. And this video of you and me keeps playing in my mind. Its the time when we go to esplanade to watch baybeats. We had our laughs and we chats and we do lots of crazy stuff. It will keep on playing in my mind.

Best give i have ever received:
Love. My seri's love.

Someone i would like to thank:
Seri, Naz and My family for not giving up on me.
Especially to Seri for loving me and staying by my side and not giving up on me.

2006-10-16T14:14:00.000+08:00

Hari Raya!! coming soon..

Yeh... 1st raye with dear coming soon. hope my pay masok this coming friday. So that leh ajak moi bebeh g shopping. Maklumlah nak raya same2. hehe.. Both of us wearing black baju kurong.. cool kan.. yah we know..

Ah saturday went out with dear.. 1st i fetch dear at bukit batok interchange at 10.30.. haha.. janji kul 9.30.. at last both of us late... hehe... then saw her, n oops.. she also wear black.. cam dah plan je... hehe... cool lah us...

Then both of us went to kfc.. haha.. She ah pagi2 ajak makan. As ususal i was shy to order.. coz the guys serving us the counter is malay also. haha.. then we go choose our seat and eat. while eating, got 1 pakcik cam perli kite seh.. die ckp puase kuat2... tooot ah pakcik.. u can mind ur own problems..

Ok2.. after dat we go to geylang... dear lang naik bus no. 12.. haha then kite sesat.. heheh.. walk2 tapi tak tau g mane.. haha.. ok2.. then found our way then we choose any hotel. haha.. then book for 3 hours. so its $30. masok je bilik dah lomjat2 pat katil. ape ah dear... hehe... so i pon join later... haha.. then we carry on to dye my hair.. 1 st bleach.. then dear panggil i mat rep.. ee... geram seh.. i tak mat rep ah... Ok then time to cuci bleach.. haha... sebelum dye i dah bukak baju.. then now i bukak ...... gagaga... dear bukak ..... then npk colour orange.. oooh lala! haha sexy lah..

then wash hair.. after dat bile dah dry kite dye my hair colour deep burgandy... cool ah.. hehe.. then wait2 smooches2.. then its time to wash again.. hahaa... dear pon wash kan.. hee... dear take good care of me... thanks.. after dat i want to pee.. ask dear to out, die tak nak... hehe.. u eh.. at last keluar jgk die.. haah... ok then lepas tu keluar toilet. And from there on, u noe i noe eh dear. Yg lain tak payah tau.. hehe...

Ah ok, times up so kite pon keluar geylang and we go to other tempat.. then bebeh complain hungry2... hehe.. ok lah so cari tempat makan. ok.. we go to bugis.. then jln2 then tgk fast food all like boring.. haha.. then we jln2 and found this nasi lemak store, along long john.. we eat there, probably coz tak de melayu pat dalam n tak de melayu yg nak tgk dlm.. hehe... okay dear belanje today.. thanks.. then dah kenyang kite g bugis village and jln2. After that kite keluar bugis...

Ok gang, kite dah reach kampong glamour.. haha.. my fren belo ah tak faham. Kampong gelam lah... haha.. ah kite walk2 then ask dear she going home kul berape.. then die ckp die mls nak alik sebelum buke.. haha... ok2, dear nak spend more time wiith me.. haha.. then jln2 pat sane boring ah... ah Dah nak time buke.. kite jln, then sit at the road corner ade cam stone barricade ah.... ok ddk pat sane... then masok 7/11 beli air and tit bits. then return to the same spot. haha..

Ok buke time. eat drink n smoke.. both of us tengah duduk2, then this group of mats call his friend, kawan dier dtg salam drg, then go to us salam i and dear. then ckp hi lak tu.. semangat. But i ngan dear, ade 1 big fat question mark in our head. sape seh mat nie.. then not long die tau yg die salah org.. hehe.. dear tak leh control laugh ah.. kesian die paiseh.. then die ngan kwn die diri tempat lain..
hahah

After that kite g geylang bazaar lak.. Ingat nak jumpe my friend, tapi drg sume lambat sampai ah.. then kite jln2 dulu... after awhile, kite pon make our way home. i hantar moi bebeh balik... hehe.... thanks dear for treating me.. nxt time i nye turn ok. CYG U, MUAKZ

2006-10-10T09:52:00.000+08:00

Missing You Badly

Yesterday went home to break fast. After that lie down on my bed. Toss n turn, i felt something different. It was u. I miss you. Didn't msg you the whole day. I felt something strange and felt different. I began to wonder what you are doing at the moment. Hoping you are having fun in Malaysia. I wonder if you are thinking of me, are you missing me right now dear?

So i get off my bed, watch tv then switch on my pc. Chat wif my fren and check out the choices i have and could make. Well there is littile choice that i can make. But the best choice is for me to join the police force. haha. Wow, what a choice.

Okay, after that i tried to sleep again. Lie on the Bed, toss n turn but still couldn't sleep. Its 1 plus in the morning, meaning i have toss and turn for 1 hr plus. This could only mean 1 thing. I am missing you dear. At last i slept only to be awaken by my mother at 4.30. i have my breakfast then went back to sleep... Well, I miss my hunny bunny sweetheart. I miss Seri Lee my dear.

Ok, Okay.. Today shes comming back but don't know what time so i think i'll start messaging her after work which is at 6 in the evening.

2006-10-09T13:10:00.000+08:00

About to Breakdown

Haix... Again stress. Ok2.. Now working as i.t. admin. my pay $1500 with cpf contribution. Sound ok rite... But all is not ok. Confused?? Let me Explain. My dad as a cab driver is struggling to make ends meet. My mother is helping by selling pastry. My brother is getting married in 2 yrs time, so he'll need a lot of money.

Ok now, my problem. A part of my pay need to be given to my dad to help him pay for the bills. And now i'm worried coz now i don't like what i am doing... MEANING I HATE INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY. I want to switch line of study/work to Engineering preferably Electrical Engineering. But now i don't know what to do. The cost to take part-time degree is high, also it takes time. for a diploma its the cost is ok but still the time constrain. And both option leave me with little choice of helping my dad ease his burden. So which is a wiser choice?.. I wonder...

Ah also did sum simple calculation. A diploma course will leave me graduate without a job at 25 yrs old. A part-time degree will leave me a graduate without an engineering job at 28 yrs old.. Both options leave me thinking at what age can i get to marry dear... My Sweetheart Seri. Love her so much and of course i want to marry her and give her a good life to live.

So now i'm really feel like crying and shouting my lung out. It feels like i took a fall from the sky and landed on solid ground. Imagine how that feels..

Anyway I love u Dear Seri... I love you so much that i don't want to lose you... I want to marry you someday my Sweetheart, my bucuk, my horny angel..

2006-09-26T06:55:00.000+08:00

Dear... it seems dat talking to u about this issue won't do any good... So i hope if u read this then u'll understand how i feel...

Dear.. u said that u just talk to him to just answer his queries. well, yes i understand.. but that is just wat he wants. soon u'll be talking to him normally. n soon enough, he'll win u over again.. u have said that u can control it n i shd trust u.. Yes i trust u dear, but without u realising it, u'll soon be talking to him like normal n become frens wif him. that what he wants. n soon enough he'll be winning your heart over again. You will not realise it but it'll happen. it has happen too many times to ignore.. where their ex talk to the gal, become frens and in the end, they patch together...

Dear i'm telling u all this because i love you n don't want to lose u. I hope u would understand. So if u really love me, i sincerely beg you please to not to speak to him n give him any chance of getting u back.

2006-09-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

Happy Fasting to All Muslims aroud the world..

Actually i'm not in a mood to update my blog right now... but watever right...
Just visit my dears blog to read her updates... well some updates are cool but some juz got me tinking especially her recent post.
I know wats its about n who its about... Well.. now i'm scared that her feelings might change.. i hope it won't happen. Now shes started to talk wif her ex. N i know that she's talking to him again. it's good for her, coz she shall not have any grudges wif anyone rite.. but wat scares me is that he might juz talk her n get her to love him again... hmm .. they've been together for 2 yrs.. n i doubt it'll be hard for her to forget him. N it'll be easy for him to rekindle their relationship once again... well... watever it is.. hope dat she'll make the right choice...

sad, disheartened, n very sorry..